Topic 3.8: Communicating appreciation and encouragement

There’s an old saying that “no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care”. And it reminds us that all the power and persuasive technique and even communication skill can still fail us if we neglect the very real power of emotion in the way we communicate with people.

Most of us will acknowledge that emotions affect how we work. Much as we might try to deny or marginalise its power, emotion plays a powerful role in daily work life from energy to decision making, and responsibility to personal effectiveness – as science is increasingly revealing.

Harvard Business School Associate Professor Francesca Gino reports on how emotions influence decisions in her book Sidetracked: Why our decisions get derailed, and how we can stick to the plan. (2013). Part of her discussion highlights the science of gratitude.

“The message of Sidetracked,” Gino said in an interview with Harvard Business School’s Chuck Leddy, “is that a lot of these forces happen even though we are unaware of them. People might just not realize how powerful expressions of gratitude are”^[1]. You can read the whole interview at the link below, if you are interested in reading more.

Gino reports on two gratitude experiments, working with Wharton School Professor Adam Grant. One found that participants who were given brief appreciative comments in response to feedback they had provided not only reported higher levels of self-worth as a result, but were twice as likely to indicate willingness to help someone else when compared to participants given simple acknowledgement of their feedback.

The other, built on the initial study, examined the responses of two groups of university fundraisers who all received a fixed salary (i.e., it was not commission based fundraising work). “The director visited half of the fundraisers in person, telling them, ‘I am very grateful for your hard work. We sincerely appreciate your contributions to the university.’ The second group received no such expressions of gratitude.”

You can guess the response.

How much discretionary effort goes begging simply because we fail to express gratitude?

Consciously taking the time to focus on things that are going well; and expressing gratitude to those involved can be a valuable personal and professional exercise. Why? There are many reasons, but here are four:

It makes others feel significant

“Followers want to feel significant,” say Goffee & Jones (2006, p192-193)^[2]. “In simple terms, they need recognition for their contribution. Social psychologists have made repeated pronouncements on this profound human need for recognition. So it is remarkable how often as individuals we seem to want it but not give it.”

Goffee and Jones describe a number of leaders from different organisational cultures who made giving recognition and celebrating success a signature of their leadership. These leaders, despite their workloads, invest the time to ensure people know they and their efforts are significant.

Renowned as one of the toughest bosses in the world while at GE, Jack Welch was famous for his handwritten notes of appreciation. Those notes reinforced his and the company’s commitment to developing people. Doug Conant, CEO of the Campbell Soup Company (and co-author of TouchPoints) writes ten to twenty personal notes a day expressing appreciation, acknowledging
achievements, welcoming new hires. And those notes, like Jack Welch’s, get shared with colleagues, family and friends – extending their impact and reinforcing a culture.

Understanding the personal impact written notes can have, the CEO of PepsiCo, Indra Nooyi, writes personal notes to the families of employees, celebrating achievements and acknowledging the families’ contribution to the employee’s work.  She even sometimes writes letters to the parents of executives. (Forbes magazine ranked her the tenth most powerful woman in the world in 2013.)

“One of the more common complaints we’ve heard about recognition is that far too often it’s highly predictable, routine and impersonal,” write Kouzes & Posner (2007, p292)^[3]. “In contrast, when we ask people about their ‘most meaningful recognitions’, one of the things they consistently tell us is that it’s ‘personal’.

It’s healthy

Among numerous studies in the area, Professor Robert Emmons of the University of California, Davis, has conducted research showing that people who intentionally noted and expressed gratitude over just a ten-week period had fewer health complaints, enjoyed better sleep and exercised more than those who didn’t. Another study found that consciously practising gratitude reduced cortisol (the stress hormone) by 23%.

Some people keep ‘gratitude journals’, others simply take time each day to mentally note ‘three good things’, and others commit partner or family time to sharing positive observations. Whatever the approach, the positive effects are healthy – for us and for those around us.

It’s energising

Robert Emmons’s research has also found that those who practised daily gratitude reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy. It’s energising and revitalising to focus on what’s working, what’s good and what we have to be thankful for. But the power of gratitude is even greater.

“Authentically appreciating others will make you feel better about yourself,” says Tony Schwartz, CEO of The Energy Project, “And it will also increase the likelihood they’ll invest more in their work, and in you.”^[4] Expressing gratitude can generate positive energy in both the giver and the receiver – the perfect gift!

It makes you a better leader

“Research on gratitude and appreciation demonstrates that when employees feel valued, they have high job satisfaction … engage in productive relationships with co-workers and supervisors, are motivated to do their best …,” says Christine M. Riordan^[5] Provost and Professor of Management at Kentucky University.

The power of this inexpensive, readily available productivity enhancer is still too frequently overlooked, ignored or resisted. Whether it’s about the opportunities you have, the work you get to do or the people you work with; or whether it’s about expressing gratitude to others for what they do and the way they do it; whether it’s at work or at home, simple gratitude communicates that who we are and what we’re doing has value and meaning.

Communicating to influence is something we all do every day. How effectively we do it determines much of our success as managers and colleagues. In this module, we’ve looked at communication behaviours and styles, the need to flex our assertiveness and responsiveness as communicators according to situational needs, listening, questioning, and framing. We’ve also seen how power influences communication and how we can improve our communication and relationships through the apparently simple act of expressing appreciation and gratitude.

As we’ve seen, communication is a process of meaning making. Understanding ourselves (Module 1) and others (Module 2) are thus important elements in understanding and managing the process of communication. We’ll explore this further, particularly in Module 5 – “Managing and Developing Others”.

In the next module, we’ll look at the issues of ethics and trust – two areas that are directly experienced and expressed in our communication.